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High
school graduation. It's a
time of great excitement, a
time to celebrate all of the
accomplishments of your
child. Even though this
moment is something you've
worked towards for the past
18 years, it's often a time
that is also filled with a
lot of sadness and fear
about what comes next, when
they head off to college or
to begin their new lives.
Transitions
like Empty Nest often are
times where we look back on
where we have been and begin
questioning where we are
going now that our lives are
about to change. The problem
is that we often do not know
how to go about creating a
life which is more
fulfilling. And yet, here we
are, almost in a state of
limbo between graduation and
their leaving and heading
off, leaving us with an
empty nest.
Instead
of spending these months
worrying about the coming
changes, letting our fears
of the unknown rule, we can
use this time to begin
preparing for the change.
Transitions provide us with
the chance to take time to
connect with our inner
selves and create a
purposeful, fulfilling life.
One of the first steps in
this journey is to clarify
what you need in your life
and what you value.
Needs
As
Maslow pointed out, we all
have needs, beginning with
survival and security needs
(food, shelter, etc.), up
through the need to live a
self-actualized, purposeful
life. As a parent, we often
spend so much time thinking
about meeting others' needs
that we rarely take the time
to think about our own
needs. But until a need is
met, it will drive you,
using most of your energy to
satisfy it, zapping your
energy to pursue those
things that will give your
life purpose and meaning.
Take
some time to think about
possible needs you may have
– the need to feel loved
or cared for, the need for
recognition or power, the
need to achieve or make a
difference in the world. Are
these needs now being met?
If not, if there are
gaps, this might be a great
time to begin finding out
how you can get these needs
met. If one of the fears you
hold about this transition
is that you will feel alone,
this may be a great time to
begin reaching out to
others, through support
groups like
EmptyNestMoms.com, or
perhaps making more of an
effort to get together with
old friends who have
mattered to us, or even
making more of an effort to
connect with your spouse or
partner. Another option is
to look around and see if
there are clubs or
organizations in your area
which interest you.
The important thing
to realize is that you have
the power to realize and
address unmet needs so that
they do not control your
life.
Values
Once
you have identified the
unmet needs, another
important step you can take
now is to really begin to
think about what you value
in life. Think about those
back to times when you felt
a great sense of fulfillment
or accomplishment. Perhaps
it's helping others or
focusing on your spiritual
nature, or creative side.
Those who live a life which
is based on those things
that they value have a far
greater sense of purpose,
fulfillment and happiness,
so you can use this time to
begin really thinking about
what you value and how you
can increase those
opportunities in your life.
If you value your artistic
style, start exploring
whether there are classes
available in your area for
next Fall, or buy a set of
paints and set aside some
time each week to paint. If
it's working with children,
perhaps look into whether
you want to go back to
school to get a degree in
teaching, or look for jobs
teaching nursery school, or
volunteer opportunities that
will allow you to do
something you value and
enjoy.
As
difficult as this time may
be, it's also a great chance
to really begin to prepare
and consider what type of
life you'd like to have
after your child heads off.
Taking the time now to
identify your needs and
values can be a first real
step in creating a life
which brings you joy and
purpose after your child
goes off to school.
Ellen
Neiley Ritter, Ph.D.
Empty
Nest Moms Coach
www.familytransitionscoaching.com
To
help in your quest to
identify your needs and
values, Ellen has provided
members of the ENMom's
discussion groups with two
different self-assessment
tools which you can download
at Life Coaching with Ellen
Ritter, http://www.emptynestmoms.com/cgi-bin/discus/board-auth.cgi?file=/3698/3698.html&lm=1162134623
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