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Summary: How becoming
less self critical can help
boost your confidence.
Here's an important rule for
life: It's not all about
you. To develop a thick skin
you must first must remember
that you are not the center
of the universe. Yes, sorry
to say, you are not the
fixed point around which the
universe turns.
 Say someone isn't paying you
enough attention. You brood
and brood. "Is she mad at
me?" "Did I say something
wrong?" Your gloomy thoughts
intensify, leaving you
emotionally crippled and
thinking that you have
ruined everything.
Yet there may be a good
reason for her inattention.
Maybe she's having a rough
week at work, and she has
ten projects to complete by
Friday. All of which are
putting her in a foul mood.
Or think about it in another
way. Maybe she is behaving
badly and being a jerk. But
why are you fussing over it?
If this is how your mind
works, you may indeed be
overly thin skinned. And
some rethinking is in order.
You will need to learn a few
skills and think outside
yourself.
Here are a few tips to
developing a thick skin:
-
Don't take things
personally: Sometimes you
may need to reframe a
person's bad behavior by
remembering that it's not
about you.
-
Don't let others get to
you: Refuse to get overly
responsive to the negative
feelings and provocations
of others. Adopt
strategies that regulate
emotional arousal;
otherwise negativity
hijacks the thinking
brain. Try simple deep
breathing or declare time
out.
-
Remember that everyone
gets rejected sometimes.
Pick yourself up, dust
yourself off and move on.
Don't be discouraged if it
takes a few times to get
it right. Successful
people are rejected over
and over, but never stop
trying.
-
 When you're rejected or
something doesn't go your
way, counterpropose a new
solution. Often, the
person declining your
offer is not rejecting
you. He may even want to
hear another idea.
Successful individuals
come back from rejection
with new proposals.
They're creative at coming
up with additional ways of
looking at things and
solving problems.
-
Don't hesitate to unstick
sticky situations. If
you're discussing an issue
and the conversation is
going off track, stop it
and restart it on the
right track. You could
say: "This isn't going
productively. Let's
reshoot this scene from
the beginning" or "Can we
take it from the top?"
-
Don't be self-focused. If
you do focus on yourself,
you'll likely dwell on
your shortcomings.
Instead, think about your
goals and what steps you
need to get there.
-
Stop the self-talk:
Counter self-defeating
self-talk with truth talk:
"You can be your own worst
enemy, so give yourself a
break."
-
Don't worry about looking
stupid. If you are asked a
question and you don't
know the answer, you can
simply say, "I need to
think about that and get
back to you later."
-
Learn to be patient: Don't
be impulsive or react to a
situation without giving
yourself time to cool off.
-
Don't be quick to blame:
Recognize that other
people have their ups and
downs.
-
Think about others: Enter
social interactions with
this thought of making the
experience itself
enjoyable. Ask yourself,
"What can I do to make you
feel more comfortable."
Article courtesy of
www.psychologytoday.com
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