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Your
child’s applications have
finally been completed and
acceptance letters may be
pouring in. Congratulations
– you’ve survived the
first part of the stressful
college search. But for some
reason, instead of feeling a
sense of relief, you wake up
with a sense of dread
lurking somewhere in the
back of your mind that you
know has little to do with
the four years of college
bills you’re about to
face.
You
probably thought it
wouldn’t hit until you
drove away from the campus,
leaving your son or daughter
to fend for themselves for
the first time, or when you
got home and notice how
quiet the house seems with
one less person. But even
now, months before, you’re
not sure you’re ready, are
plagued with questions about
how you will fill the empty
days or what it will mean
for you.
Welcome
to the beginning stages of
the Empty Nest transition!
Whether your child is
soon heading off to college,
getting married or moving to
a new city, it’s normal to
feel some concern about what
this means for your life.
For the past 18 or
more years, a large part of
your identity, and on some
days, probably all of your
energy, have been devoted to
meeting the needs of your
children and that’s about
to change.
Empty
nest transitions are one of
the larger changes families
go through, and like most
transitions, they develop
gradually, stirring up what
has been a fairly stable
routine, as well as
questions you may not have
had to think about for
years.
Do
you now cringe almost as
much as your child to the
question “What do you want
to be when you grow up?”
Lots of empty nesters do. Until now, most of your energy, and even the sense of who you
are, was being a mother and
that's about to change.
You've taken care of your
child for years – now is
the time to take care of
yourself.
Reaching out to
others, such as the members
of the Empty Nest Moms
website, can help you
realize that you're not
alone and what you're going
through is normal, even if
it isn't easy. Being able to
express your feeling and
fears is the first step in
being able to deal with
them.
It's
also important to remember
that this period can be one
of incredible growth and
personal fulfillment, a time
to really focus on yourself,
your needs, and your dreams.
How? As with all
transitions, once you’ve
accepted that change is
coming, taking some time to
come to terms with what it
means to you is important.
While many of us
aren’t used to thinking
about how we’d like to
design our own lives, this
period of transitions is one
when you can do just that.
And you deserve to –
you’ve just completed one
of the most worthwhile and
difficult jobs there is –
raising a child who is
almost an adult, ready to go
off into the world.
In
quiet moments, brainstorm
about what you’d like to
do with the extra time and
energy that this transition
will bring. What makes you
feel happy? What are your
strengths? What do you now
know and what have you
wanted to learn? Have you
always wanted to go back to
school, start your own
business, develop your
artistic abilities, travel,
or play golf?
Are there hobbies you
used to love that you
haven't been able to devote
time to but would like to?
Think big!
This is a chance to
create your future.
Once
you’ve allowed yourself to
play with all of the
different possibilities,
look into how you can make
it a reality. Talk with your
friends, your partner, or
experts.
The internet is
another great resource to
find some great information
on the possible steps you
need to make your dreams a
reality.
Taking
the time to begin thinking
about designing your own
life now may not keep away
the tears or the feelings of
emptiness as you drive away
from the college on that
first day, but it will
provide you with something
to focus on, to feel excited
about.
And
if it all feels
overwhelming, if thinking
about doing things for
yourself is foreign to you,
or if you’d like support
during this part of your
journey, consider working
with a coach to help you
identify your strengths and
dreams, and help you develop
a plan that will let this
time of transition become
one where you flourish.
The
mother of a college junior
and her own senior heading
off to college, Ellen Neiley
Ritter, Ph.D. is aware of
the questions and potentials
associated with the empty
nest transition. Completing
her Ph.D. in family
psychology and getting
internationally certified as
a coach
in “midlife”, she
founded Family
Transitions Coaching, a
positive, strength-based
coaching program for women
and families during times of
transition to help them
develop balance, resilience,
and meaning in their lives.
Watch for additional
articles and tools to help
in your journey through the
empty nest.
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